Things To Do If Your Feeling Suicidal
by SisterOfAnElvenWannabe
Summary: ways to annoy characters that will most likley kill you for doing it 10 for each one major X-over Volturi,Voldemort,Greek gods, Ripred, and more rated T just in case please R
1. Chapter 1: Lord Voldemort

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from various books I use in this story.**

**Warning: Do not try this at home. SisterofanElvenWannabe is not responsible for any deaths/maiming/fatal injuries that may occur while attempting theses lists.**

Chapter 1: Lord Voldemort

1. If he says he's going to kill you laugh in his face and remind him that he couldn't even kill a one year old

2. Read him Harry/Voldemort fan fictions and convince him they are prophecies

3. Tell him he needs facial surgery.

4. Sell Nagini to the zoo

5. Threaten to send him to a mental asylum when he starts hissing at snakes

6. Tell all the death eaters he sleeps with a teddy bear

7. Taunt him about his father being a muggle

8. tattoo a lighting scar on his forehead

9. Ask about his relationship with Bellatrix

10. Send Bellatrix love letters from him

**Please Review. If you have ideas PM me.**


	2. Chapter 2: The Volturi

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**Warning: Do not try this at home. SisterofanElvenWannabe is not responsible for any deaths/maiming/fatal injuries that may occur while attempting theses lists.**

Chapter 2: The Volturi

1. convince people not to go on their "tour"

2. Ask Aro "So whatever happened top your sister Didyme?"

3. Tell Marcus what really happened to Didyme

4. Sing annoying songs in your head every time Aro tries to read your mind.

5. Tell them gold eyes are prettier than red eyes

6. Tell Jane it will never work out with Aro

7. Refer to Felix as "Emmett's evil twin"

8. Make a list of all the ways the Cullens are better than the Volturi and show it to them

9. Tease Jane about her talent not working on Bella.

10. Tell Aro you wrote a song about him. It's called "Paranoid Control Freak"

**Please Review. if you have any ideas PM me**


	3. Chapter 3: Morgoth

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of Tolkien's works. I wish I owned Frodo though. My sister (the Elven wannabe) helped me on most of these. **

**Warning: Do not try this at home. SisterofanElvenWannabe is not responsible for any deaths/maiming/fatal injuries that may occur while attempting these lists.**

Chapter 3: Morgoth

1. Tell him he may be Morgoth but you're most goth.

2. Call him a jail crow of Mandos.

3. Give him a #1 Beren fan T-shirt

4. Tell him Eru's song is better than his.

5. When he gets cranky ask him if he wants Luthien to come sing him a lullaby.

6. Tell him that black is_ so _not his color.

7. Tell everyone that Fëanor taught him everything he knows.

8. Ask him if he ever _did_ find that Flame Imperishable.

9. Tell him one of the gems in his crown has fallen out.

10. Call him Tomnoddy because that of course is insulting to anybody.

**Review please. If you have any ideas pm me.**


	4. Chapter 4: Athena

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**Warning: Do not try this at home. SisterofanElvenWannabe is not responsible for any deaths/maiming/fatal injuries that may occur while attempting theses lists.**

Chapter 4: Athena

1. two words: Percabeth stories

2. Ask her why she's so mean to Percy, Poseidon doesn't act that way about Annabeth.

3. Ask her what it was like in Zeus' head.

4. Tease her about the way her kids are born.

5. Show her some Poseidon/Athena stories.

6. Ask her why her kids don't have cool elemental powers like Percy.

7. Tell her being the god of the sea is way cooler then being the goddess of wisdom.

8. Set her up on a blind date with Poseidon.

9. Show her pictures of Percy and Annabeth kissing.

10. Send her love notes from Poseidon.

**Please Review. If you have any ideas PM me.**


	5. Chapter 5: Kronos

**Disclaimer: I don't own Percy Jackson and thank the gods I don't own Kronos. *Shudders* although if I did I could put bows in his hair, *evil grin***

**Warning: Do not try this at home. SisterofanElvenWannabe is not responsible for any deaths/maiming/fatal injuries that may occur while attempting theses lists. **

**Chapter 5: Kronos**

1. Say you must be so proud, your grandson and his friends saved Olympus.

2. Buy him parenting books ( i.e. The Complete Idiot's Guide to Fatherhood, Parenting for Dummies, The Joys Of Fatherhood)

3. Point out if he had been a better father he might still be ruling.

4. Call him Crow Nose.

Try to convince him to "take his kids to a baseball game or something"

Ask him if Tartarus is a nice place to live.

Ask him who would be stupid enough to mistake a rock for a baby.

8. Say he was defeated by the power of love.

9. Tell him Luke looked better with blue eyes.

10. Point out that in the end Luke helped defeat him. (And Ethan tried to help destroy him too)

**Please Review. If you have ideas PM me. **


	6. Chapter 6: Ripred

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the ways to annoy.**

**Warning: Do not try this at home. SisterofanElvenWannabe is not responsible for any deaths/maiming/fatal injuries that may occur while attempting theses lists.**** Here you go-**S-LaughterIsTheBestMedicine

Chapter 6: Ripred

Eat shrimp in cream sauce as loudly and obnoxiously as possible in front of him and don't offer him any.

Gasp when you see him and squeal, "OMG! IT'S REEPICHEEP!"

When he tells you he's not Reepicheep, tilt your head and say, "Oh, are you...mickey mouse?"

While he's sleeping put bows in his hair and one at the tip of his tail.

Ask him for a ride on his back...every five seconds

When he refuses burst into tears and wail, "b-but you let Lizzie do it!"

Every time you see him say, "Oh look! It's Luxa's pet rat!"

Get one of the bats to give you a ride then dangle food just out of his reach and tell him to "jump for it!"

Throw a stick and yell fetch. When he doesn't fetch it tell Luxa she needs to train her pet better,

Get a bunch of toddlers together and tell them they get to pet the "mousy" and he'll give them all rides on his back.

**Please Review. If you have ideas PM me.**


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